Patience.

What is patience? I believe it to be the ability to wait and bearing the uncertainty of what lies ahead. I recently began the process of getting over something deeply rooted inside myself, that has been choking my happiness for years. I am really nowhere near being completely finished with it, but the process has actually begun to start, and reality finally has begun to sink in. The basic problem with it is, however... that I feel almost like I have ended a 4 year relationship, even though I have been single all that time. All my friends and family think I should just go cold turkey, and cut it all off now... never look back. I don't want to do that though. I just want to get myself to a place where I don't have to not be around this person. I want to laugh and have fun and do things with this person, without that constant hope, or lack of hope always around darkening my mood. I want to be happy enough with myself and my situation that I don't sabotage a great friendship for selfish idiocy. I assume I am not really meant to be alone all my life... there has got to be a girl out there for me, that will look at me with the same love in her eyes that I know is inside of me, just waiting for the opportunity to get out. The thing is, I know I have to be patient, to just go on, continue moving... finding where I belong and what I want, and it will happen. All the actual relationships in my life began out of pure circumstance, so I assume the BIG one will too, if I am just patient. I just wish that the person that I am currently still stuck on, will realize that she needs patience too... that time is hard to deal with, especially when feelings are involved, but time also can heal wounds, and make you a better person. Regardless of what everyone says, I don't really ever plan on dropping this person from my life forever... I just need to get to the point where I can say with full and complete certainty... "You were right, we are better as just friends." Currently though, that is going to take a whole hell of a lot of patience... from both of us. A real friendship can survive anything, in my opinion.