Thursday, November 10, 2005
My exit.
Why is it I would have to fall in love with someone that doesn't love me? Why is it that girls want assholes instead of friends? What makes the guy that treats a girl like shit so irresistable to them? I can't be an asshole, nor do I want to be... yet, it seems unless I become one... I am destined to be alone all my life. People say there is someone out there, that I just haven't found her yet... but what if it already feels that I have? What happens when the person that is right for you is there, but you aren't right for her? Is it possible to be too nice? To give too much of yourself and that pushes someone away? Why should it be wrong to do everything you can to help people the people you care about? I feel like I am running in place, watching things go by, but never finding my exit. I can see it coming towards me, but it never reaches me. What do you do when you look and look and look for something to replace the feeling you already have, and nothing comes along, or nothing you try does it? People tell me to move on, that she is just messing with me. But how can I blame someone for how they feel? It is like blaming myself for feeling the way I do, but I know you can't just change how you feel because you want to. Nice guys finish last apparently. That is my best argument for there being no higher power. If there were something that could control how things happened, or could influence things, then I think life would be more fair. Why am I so fucking abhorrent? Why is there no woman out there that wants to be with ME? Why am I always so good as a friend, and nothing more? Maybe if I were a horrible friend, girls would like me? What does "some girl out there is going to be SOOOO lucky to have you one day" mean? Why don't YOU want to be that girl? I see the Austin exit ahead, 1 mile... and I run. I see another sign, Austin exit ahead, 1/2 mile... and I run. Then I see another sign, Austin exit ahead, 1 mile... and I run. I never get there. I keep running, and I don't know why I can't stop looking for my exit.
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2 comments:
In the words of a famous comedian, whose name I can't remember it's times like these when you need to take a deep breath and repeat after me: "I am someone's fetish."
Seriously, Love is a horrible bitch goddess.
Love is like a drug...
Some drugs are good for you (i.e. vitamins) and some are bad for you (i.e. LSD), but people still take both of them.
Why?
Because they enjoy the drug for what it does to them in the short term (i.e. hallucinations) and never think about what it could do to them down the road (i.e. brain damage).
In closing, as long as you can look yourself in the mirror and say, "I know it will be worth it if I continue to take this abuse... Someday..." then it is all okay because now you know you are part of the problem too.
Love ya like a brother!
-- Your number one cousin
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